


Hamster Chekov, Sir!

by Ice20



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Animal Transformation, Attempt at Humor, Funny, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-22
Updated: 2014-04-22
Packaged: 2018-01-20 10:35:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,268
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1507385
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ice20/pseuds/Ice20
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Pike is helpless, McCoy is frustrated, Uhura gets bitten, Sulu is desperate and Jim is just Jim - funny and annoying as usual. Also, Spock is Spock, with his own, famous spock-iness.</p><p>Oh, and Chekov is a hamster, right.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hamster Chekov, Sir!

**Author's Note:**

> AN: I really wanted Pike to be part of the story. So I decided to have him as Captain, with both Jim and Spock as his first officers. It is not important for the purposes of the story, but it is necessary so that I can have all the characters on the ship, at the same time. So yeah, slightly AU because of it, but whatever…
> 
> Also, I'm not a native English speaker, so please forgive me for any grammar mistake. This work is not Beta-ed.
> 
> Kudos and comments are always appreciated! :)

\- Hey you, please stop running! - a female Andorian lieutenant growled.

\- Pavel, come here please! - Sulu panted, almost out of breath.

\- Chekov, come on! - Uhura cried while running after him.

\- Mr Chekov, stop right where you are! - captain Pike shouted from his chair on the bridge, in order to make his voice be heard above all the other ones.

But Chekov apparently didn’t hear him, or just didn’t care nor understand, because he went on running around as fast as his very short legs allowed him. Finally, he spotted a tiny opening between two of the consoles, one he had never noticed before, when he still was a human, and jumped in there, just a second before Sulu’s hands could grab him. It was a little gap, less than 2 inches large, and about 20 inches in-depth – just big enough so that a hamster could hide in it without being disturbed by the big, scary humans that were hunting him.

Many crew members stopped their chase in front of the gap, examining it. Granted, none of them had ever spared it a second glance before that crazy day. Now, it was the focus of their attention. Sulu tried to push his hand in the gap, but his wrist was far too big. Uhura, instead, was able to get her hand and half of her arm inside, given her thinner bones’ structure, before something –  _someone!_  - bit her thumb.

\- Ouch! Dammit! - she cried, retiring her hand as fast as she could. - Sorry, Captain -

Pike waved in her direction, signaling her not to worry about her language, even if it was not very appropriate for the Enterprise bridge.

\- Don’t worry Lieutenant, you did the best you could. Go to sickbay and alert Dr McCoy of this… situation, we have here. And let him medicate your finger, we don’t want you go catch some sort of infection -

\- Yes, sir – she said, then headed to sickbay as she was ordered, still nursing her sore thumb.

Meanwhile, Sulu was still trying to make his hand fit in the gap, without success. He had to give up. He placed his foot in front of the gap in order to prevent another run from Chekov. Then he turned, facing the captain.

\- What do we do now, sir? -

Pike sighed in frustration.

\- I don’t know, Mr Sulu. But it is evident we cannot let Mr Chekov wander on the ship in his current state. It would be dangerous for him, let alone the fact it is the first time I hear of a hamster on a Starfleet ship at all – he said.

Well, it was indeed the first time something like that happened at all, but non the less Pike was not so surprised it had occurred to the Enterprise. It seemed like that ship was a big magnet for all sort of weird fact to happen. A crew member turned into a pet was just one of them.

\- Anyone has any idea how to catch the fugitive rodent? - he asked his crew, because right now he lacked of any idea.

Some murmurs could be heard among the crew, many men and women exchanged perplexed glances, but none of them proposed anything.

Then Spock got up from his chair, which he had not left during the whole commotion, limiting himself to just watch the whole, unfruitful chase from his station, and spoke.

\- Captain? -

\- Yes, Mr Spock? -

\- Captain, I would suggest to simply let Mr Chekov decide when to get out of his hiding place, with a little incentive maybe -

\- In other words, Mr Spock? -

\- Since he is now a rodent, Captain, not only in his appearance, but, I would suggest, also in his behavior, I do believe that we could convince him to leave his hiding spot just using some sort of incentive -

\- Like, what, a piece of cheese? - Pike asked sarcastically.

\- It is common believe that rodents have a preference for cheese; non the less, I know they also find seeds and vegetables to be good nourishment – he stated.

\- Yeah, well, cheese will be just perfect, I think. Mr Reddings! - Pike said, addressing one of the crew members on the bridge in that moment.

\- Yes, sir? -

\- Go replicate some cheese for Mr Chekov, there. Let’s see if this idea works -

\- Aye, sir! -

\- Captain? - Spock interrupted.

\- Yes, Spock? -

\- I do believe it is also a necessity to have a container of some sort, in which we place the cheese, so that Mr. Chekov can not go back to his hideout once the finishes his meal -

\- Good idea, Mr Spock. Reddings, find a cage, too -

\- Aye, sir! -

\- Miss Mile – Pike said, now addressing a young woman that was standing not far from the entrance of the hideout spot in which Chekov had retired – Stay where you are ‘till Reddings come back and make sure Mr Chekov doesn’t get out and out of your sight -

\- Yes, sir -

About ten minutes passed, during which everybody came back to their own stations and duties, while Pike kept on throwing glances to the gap Chekov had got into, until Redding came back, with a metallic cage and different kind of cheese.

Pike told him to place the cage in front of the entrance, and to put the cheese inside it, and then ordered everybody to go on with their usual tasks, just keeping their voices a bit lower than usual, in order not to afraid the rodent –  _Chekov_  – even more than he already was. If Spock was right –  _and he usually was_  – then Chekov would just get into the cage without getting hurt and they could bring him to the sciences labs, where scientists would find a cure –  _hopefully_. Otherwise, they would have to send him back to Russia under the appearance of a rodent. What a chame for the youngest member of the crew!

They set everything in place, and waited for the hamster - _for Chekov_ \- to get out.

The problem was, Chekov didn’t appear to be attracted by cheese, nor any other kind of food for that matter. Over the course of the next hour, they tried to stimulate his appetite with four different kinds of cheese, a dozen species of seeds, a chocolate brownie –  _because Sulu claimed that hamsters were really fond of chocolate, he had read it somewhere_  – and even a cup of Spock’s Vulcan tea.

Nothing worked.

Pike sighed in frustration and threw his hands up in the air.

\- I give up. He’ll get out of it once he will decide it on his own – he declared.

Many crew members agreed with him and nodded their approval.

\- Mr Reddings, remove the cage and all its contents, please. Miss Mile, keep surveying the hole. He has to get out of there, sooner or later -

\- Aye, sir! -

Alpha shift went on, and nothing strange happened. Well, nothing stranger that a hamster hidden on the bridge, that was it. Pike noticed that many members of the crew already seemed to have forgotten of their little, silent guest hidden there, while others carefully watched every step they took, as if afraid to trample on him and kill him. Meanwhile, the ball of fur never got out of his den.

It was only a few minutes before the shift ended that Uhura got back from sickbay, where McCoy had medicated her finger and listened to her story with a surprised expression on his face, until he had come up with a possible solution.

\- What is it, Doctor? - Pike asked, out of curiosity.

\- We can try and attract him with other member of his species. Well, his new species at least – Bones corrected himself.

\- Meaning, Doctor? -

\- Meaning, Captain, that if he is really acting like he his a hamster, a real one, then he won’t be able to resist the attraction of a female hamster in heat, if you now what I mean – he explained, much to everybody’s horror.

Uhura gaped in surprise.

Sulu gulped audibly.

Pike just stared at him, not believing his ears.

\- Doctor, are you really suggesting we make Mr Chekov pair with a female hamster? - Spock asked, a hint of disbelief clearly audible in his voice, while his face remained blank as usual.

\- No, we don’t let him mate with the female, you green-blooded elf, we just let her attract him inside the cage -

Everybody stayed in silence for a few minutes after that.

Then, Pike spoke.

\- Very well, doctor. Let’s try and see what happens. Do we have hamsters in our labs? -

\- Yes, sir, we do -

\- Very well. Mr Redding, go take the female hamster here – he said.

Mr Reddings left the bridge once again, muttering about not having joined Starfleet to be a bellhop. Nobody cared about his complaints.

It took Reddings only a few minutes to get back to the bridge, where he found an unusual amount of people waiting there. Besides the crew of the Alpha shift, in fact, there were also the Beta’s ones. Everybody was waiting to see if the experiment would be successful and, even if the first shift was over, nobody wished to leave the bridge. Pike allowed them to stay.

Reddings positioned the cage in front of the hole. He lowered a grating that divided the cage in two halves, one completely sealed so that the female hamster would be there in plain sight, but could not escape, the other one free for Chekov the hamster to get in.

Then they waited.

And waited.

And waited again.

\- Mr Reddings, have you explicitly asked for a female in heat? - McCoy asked.

Reddings nodded vigorously.

\- Then why the hell isn’t it working? - McCoy said.

\- I have no idea, Doctor -

\- Damn. What do we do, now? - he asked.

Pike just shrugged. He was completely lacking any ideas once again. The other members of the crew looked at each other, helplessly.

Then, Pike’s personal receiver beeped.

\- What is it, now? - he asked, annoyed.

He just wished he could get to his quarters and sleep ‘till the next shift.

\- Uh, it’s Kirk, sir – Jim’s hoarse voice answered.

Pike sighed.

\- Yes, Kirk, what do you want? - Pike asked as politely as he could.

He knew the kid had somehow caught the flu and had been confined in his quarters by McCoy himself, with no permission to get out at the cost of being stabbed with a hypo, as McCoy had confided him the previous night.

\- Sir, is there any problem on the bridge? - Kirk asked.

Pike sighed once again. How could the kid know that something was going on, when he was in his quarters, alone and isolated, supposedly resting?

\- Yes Kirk, there’s a bit of a situation, here -

\- What kind of situation, sir? -

\- I don’t see why it should matter for you, since you’re confined in your quarters for the next two days at least –  _when the situation would be completely resolved_ , the really hoped.

\- Well, sir, I was waiting for Chekov to come by, but I still haven’t heard of him. I was wondering where he was – he said.

McCoy grabbed the communicator from the hands of Pike before the captain had a chance to answer Jim and started shouting at him.

\- Dammit, Jim! I’m a doctor, not a comedian, therefore when I say something, you listen to it and do as I say, you don’t just ignore it! I told you to rest and not let anyone get into your quarters! I don’t want the rest of the crew to get sick because of you! - he shouted.

\- But Bones, I need to eat, too. Chekov had to bring me dinner – Jim whined.

\- You tell me when you need something, and I bring it to you! - McCoy shouted, before Pike was able to retrieve his communicator back.

\- Kirk, Chekov can’t bring you dinner right now, I’ll make sure Dr McCoy brings you what he think is healthy for you – Pike said.

\- But Captain, he’s gonna bring me something way too healthy to taste good – he complained.

\- I don’t care, Kirk. You get what he decides to bring you. I’ve got other problems to take care of -

\- Pfff! What happened to Pavel? Why can’t he bring me my dinner? - Jim asked in a whiny voice.

Pike sighed in frustration, firmly regretting not having accepted the assignment as a teacher for four years old children when he had had the opportunity to, then handed the communicator to Spock.

\- You explain him what happened, Mr Spock – he said.

Pike was sure his first officer almost rolled his eyes at his request. Then he noticed him throwing a glance in Uhura’s and Sulu’s direction, silently asking them to deal with that incumbency, but both of them had mutely disappeared in the crowd, probably sensing what was going to happen. The Vulcan almost sighed and started explaining Kirk about Chekov’s transformation some hours before, being interrupted every couple seconds by silly question. That was the reason why nobody wanted to deal with an ill Jim Kirk - not even Bones, who in fact had confined him to his own quarters, not to sickbay as he would do with anybody else. He could piss you off in less that 35 seconds.  _This has to be a record_ , Spock thought.

After five minutes and what appeared to be a great amount of patience later, Jim Kirk was laughing so hard McCoy wondered if he was going to get sick because of it. Spock’s eyebrow had slowly climbed so high it had disappeared under his hair.

\- What is so funny, Mr Kirk? - Pike asked.

\- Well Captain, I can assure you, he’s not gonna get out of his hole because of a female hamster. Not in this particulat time of his life at least -

\- Dammit man, just spit it out. What have we got to do in order to pull him out? - McCoy growled.

\- Bones, just get him a male hamster! - Kirk said, like it was obvious.

Only, it wasn’t, because Chekov was so young everybody felt slightly uncomfortable talking with him about sex, so nobody ever did. Nobody but Jim, it seemed, as the good doctor, the captain, the first officer, Sulu and Uhura all noticed.

A choir of “Ooooh” could be heard among the crowd on the bridge, like they had all had an epiphany at the same time.

McCoy threw Pike a glance, and the Captain shrugged.

\- Well, if it is what Mr Chekov needs in order to get out of there, then that’s what he is gonna have. Reddings, you know what to do -

\- I do, sir – Reddings muttered, before heading to the science labs once again, wondering about his chances to get a transfer to another ship by the end of the month. If he had wished to work for the zoo, then he would have studied as a vet.

Some minutes later, another cage was set where the previous ones had once been.

Now, everybody was waiting, again.

Then, Mr Chekov appeared, in his new hamster suit. His fur was a beautiful shade of gold, his little face had two funny rounded ears that appeared to be so soft and his little eyes were shining while his short legs were moving so fast it was hard to see them distinctly. He looked around at the big faces of humans and aliens surrounding him. He waited a few seconds, in case any of them decided to attack him or try to move in his reaction. None of them did. His instinct got the better of him. He got into the cage, the big, grey cage where he had smelled another male was. His eyes were shining in expectation.

And then, ne noticed it.

There was something that was dividing the cage in two different halves. It was a trap!

He turned on his short legs, and saw a hand was closing the door of the cage. He ran, trying to escape from the cage, but it was too late. The human had already closed it. All he could do was bite those big, puffy fingers as hard as he could. The deafening scream of the human was a nice revenge for him.

Reddings almost let the cage fall after the hamster bit him. Fortunately, Sulu was right there to catch it. A chorus of applause naturally grew among the crew members. Uhura hugged Spock, and McCoy almost slapped the captain on his shoulder –  _almost_.

\- Sulu, you take him to the science laboratory and ask the scientists down there to find a cure as soon as possible. Reddings, let McCoy medicate your finger. Spock, bring Jim some food, we don’t want him to starve to death–even if we sometimes wish for it to happen, let’s be honest with ourselfves. Everybody else, the show is over. Let’s clear the bridge so that Beta shift can start – Pike said.

A collective “Aye, sir!” resonated on the bridge.

 _Three days later_.

Pavel didn’t remember much of his time as a hamster.

He had, however, seen pictures of himself as a gold ball of fur – _apparently, somebody had enjoyed taking them while he ate, slept, run on a plastic green wheel, and even licked his own little paws_  – and thought that even as a rodent he was smaller that the average. He knew the scientists had found a way to reverse the transformation, and was glad for it even known he had not understood how they could do it.

Now, after a quick visit to sickbay, he had been declared fit for duty by McCoy himself, who had also decided to give him a package of informative brochures about sex-related diseases – correlated even with photographs and illustrations. At his questioning glance and ask for an explanation, the doctor had shown him a hypo ready for him, so he had decided to just take the brochures back in his quarters without further comments, promising to study all of them deeply.

He had then threw them in the nearest garbage can he could find in the corridor, after a woman in a red shirt had stared at him with an indignant and shocked expression. He had looked at her with puzzlement, then following her gaze had noticed that some of those images were very,  _uh_ , risque. Therefore, the garbage can. He could not wander on the ship looking like he was reading porn.

Along the way, he also noticed a couple of men –  _quite beautiful men, actually_ – winked at him while he passed, big grins plastered on their faces and craving clear in their eyes. He hurried up, afraid those pervs would follow him and sexually harass him -  _he was so young and innocent, after all!_  - then got in his quarters and let the door lock behind him.

What the hell. Nobody ever spared him a second glance, never. Specially, not men. Usually, women seemed to be slightly more attracted by him because of his young age, but it was never in a sexual way. Most of the times, he just remembered them of their little brothers and once even of a son. They just wanted to touch his hair and talk to him, nothing more. Nobody had ever winked at him. Ever!

He collapsed on his bed, wondering what the hell was going on that day, and fell asleep in a few minutes. He was lately shaken awake by Sulu, with whom he shared his room on the Enterprise. Sulu’s hand was on his shoulder, but when he opened his eyes and turned his head toward it, opening his mouth unable to stifle a yawn, Sulu retracted his hand rapidly.

\- Don’t bite me, man! - he said.

Pavel just looked at him, confused.

_What the hell?!_

**Author's Note:**

> Come find me on my tumblr! [IceDrifter](http://www.icedrifter.tumblr.com)


End file.
